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samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Wednesday, February 6th, 2013 08:57 am
Part of me is sad it took me this many years to get the hang of it. The rest of me is just pleased I’ve had the experience of being able to deal with it with kindness, and no lingering unhappy feelings on my part (my main goal).

I have found – through a lot of (unwilling) experimentation – that ignoring is not fruitful, humour or retaliation escalates, and angry responses express how I feel, but have no positive impact on the other person. Worse, since their goal is to enrage me and enjoy it, I have helped them with their goal and reinforced their awful behavior.

This time though, this time I was calm and safe (enough) that I could make eye contact and say hey, that feels like fun for you, but when you taunt someone to make them angry it’s called bullying. I am lucky that this was enough to dissolve the situation and for the first time when it was over I wasn’t still left vibrating with helpless rage.

This has been a work in progress for what feels like my whole life. I grew up in a household where it was normal and ‘hilarious’ to poke people with sharp verbal sticks. I then moved on to a ‘witty’ social group at university where scoring points for being verbally sharp was a marker of social status. I’ve since selected for people whose sense of humour is not cruelty based and who value kindness over verbal social competition. It’s taken me years to build that community and I still have certain… instincts shall we say both in attack and defense. I am trying to learn how to let them go.

I owe a lot to the people who have loved me and made it possible to be safe without constant verbal self-defense. [personal profile] transcendancing  for example is profoundly skilled in this area and her delicacy and care have patched parts of my soul. [personal profile] maharetr  is a constant, gentle presence whose openness to dialogue I am grateful for every day. *beams* [personal profile] chaosmanor  and [personal profile] cupidsbow  who form the rest of my household are also profoundly safe people, meaning my home is not just hilarious and full of robots, but is also a haven. I'm also incredibly lucky in that my father has grown into a person who is profoundly kind and gentle, I did not expect it.

An excellent resource for describing the feminist-baiting dynamic is The Terrible Bargain We Have Regretfully Struck which identifies it clearly as bullying – a word that now carries considerable weight in work environments I have been in, and am now part of.
samvara: Cartoon picture of Agatha Heterodyne and text "One cannot be corrupted by science, and science alone is my master!" (GG - Science)
Sunday, December 9th, 2012 09:33 pm
When the QFHC bought our house last year we were told by the previous owners they participated in the Christmas lights tradition. We bought in late December, had 3 couches and the fridges for New Years, and moved in January so lights weren't exactly on our radar back then.

I thought it would be nice to do something this year and since we're not big Christmas people I did something the entire household could get behind. A stargate.

It took me about 2 months of weekends - although a lot of this was thinking and workshopping - and on that note special thanks to [personal profile] maharetr, [personal profile] chaosmanor and[personal profile] cupidsbow, Andy, [personal profile] madradish and the many people who contributed wonderful encouragement and a steady stream of ideas.

Here is the entire process.

Fwd: Sending Stargate Project from iThoughts

Stargate powered up
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Monday, February 14th, 2011 12:59 pm
  • Did laundry, changed sheets (is grown up)
  • Picnicked overlooking Kings Park with [personal profile] maharetr, [personal profile] chaosmanor and [personal profile] cupidsbow and further planned our commune
  • Ordered Co-Ownership Agreements documents *meeps*
  • Called Solar Hot Water people and indicated I am not keen on their customer service or the state of my Solar Hot Water System
  • Applied for yet another job
  • Did readings for Leadership Effectiveness
  • Too hot to think, can’t brain
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Tuesday, November 16th, 2010 01:36 pm
[personal profile] maharetr and [personal profile] transcendancing and I were discussing the way Aussie culture has some revolting stuff floating around this particular concept. Today a lady called me a ‘good girl’ and I thought about the number of times I’ve been called that (not many) and what makes me feel like one.

Good Girl!
  • Helping older ladies with knee problems pick up their lunch after it fell on the floor
  • Being kind to my friends
  • Listening to people when they need to talk
  • Doing my (tedious) laundry and cleaning my desk
  • Exercising when I want to sloth
  • Eating food of the colour green
Not a Good Girl :(
  • Lying to self or other people
  • Punishing other people for not being like me
  • Not controlling myself when I’m irritable
  • That thing that happened with the eggs… and that thing with the mirror
  • Being thoughtless and seeing that reflected in other people suffering as a result
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Sunday, October 31st, 2010 07:37 pm
  • Home sick on Monday and then Thursday, body was not happy :(
  • Reclaim the Night Rally, my first - I'm uncomfortable with the idea that the night is extra dangerous to women but think protesting against sexual violence to women is important
  • Bought a kayak and went for a paddle as the sun went down on the Canning River - was fabulous and I'm so happy I got her.
  • 4.5 hour haircut - I've got a 65cm ponytail in a bag and BRIGHT PINK hair
  • Pride! House Martian [personal profile] chaosmanor participated dressed as as nun; this later led to some spirited shouting from a man in a taxi, the new house slogan is "No touching, the Nun says No!". [personal profile] maharetr[personal profile] transcendancing and I supportively went out for dinner and provided squee
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Wednesday, October 13th, 2010 03:51 pm
I can't believe I've been working for the same department for seven years, I have trouble committing to socks. However, I have 3 months paid leave that should be used to improve and enhance my life in some fabulous way.

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 19

What should samvara do with her 3 months long service leave?

View Answers

Take 3 months off and vegetate, get enough sleep, read all those books, see lots of people, do my toenails again.
8 (44.4%)

Do a full time trimester and get 4/12 of my MBA out of the way (4/12 done right now and 2/12 in progress)
5 (27.8%)

Scuba dive a lot - Thailand, Indonesia, Egyptian Red Sea, Cozumel Mexico and, weirdly, Florida
12 (66.7%)

Go somewhere with snow (never seen) and... stare at it?
11 (61.1%)

Take Friday off for 2011… mmm 3-day weekends for a YEAR
11 (61.1%)

OIYP (Oxfam) Internship Program (would have to move to Sydney for 3 months)
5 (27.8%)

Drive around Australia (I kind of want to do this one day, yes, I know, everyone does and I’d probably need a lot more than 3 months)
5 (27.8%)

Something else that would be BRILLIANT

samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Tuesday, September 28th, 2010 05:04 pm
My walk home from work is past a fruiting mulberry tree, it's a good way point. I survive the HAZARDOUS remaining 600 meters knowing my own darling little tree is also fruiting and in a moment of genius [personal profile] chaosmanor suggested a smoothie. My life, it is awesome.

Walking home from work  Mulberry smoothie
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Monday, June 21st, 2010 10:25 am
Thank you to everyone who helped make my 62 birthday both fun and memorable, I feel loved :)
  • Lunch with father and siblings - mostly devoted to rampant football appreciation
  • Blew GIANT bubbles with my super-duper new GIANT bubble blowing equipment - need to get better at this but satisfaction from the perfect, HUGE one that floated off into the sky was very high.
  • Dinner with friends and a vast amount of seafood *loves on seafood* *loves on friends*
  • Lime Brule (my entire day was not-so-sekritly planned around this bit)
  • Playground climbing equipment - the tall, bouncy stuff
  • Sleeping in followed by a movie
  • Lunch with mama, did not buy a puppy despite great temptation; did buy self nice sunglasses to replace broken ones.
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Wednesday, May 26th, 2010 09:51 pm
My second warning from Western Power recently arrived informing me in no uncertain terms to cut back tree limbs that may impact on power lines in storms. Alas, my three attempts to lure brother J. into helping me were devastated by his current work schedule - he has a ute, an extension ladder and the fabulous quality of being about 6'3" (he has many other fabulous qualities as well).

I managed to get to the first tree by putting a stool on my very sturdy letter box and standing on it. This got me higher than [personal profile] maharetr's much appreciated stepladder but the second tree was an inside job. I climbed stupidly high carrying a saw, wedged myself in a suitable fork and patiently sawed through a critical branch as the rain started up, or rather down. I tried to enjoy the view, the patter of raindrops on the leaves, my inexorable progress and the gift that is ambidexterity when you're trapped in a tree with a handsaw. Below me, the woofer tried to convince passers that he and his tennis ball had been abandoned and were in need of loving attention.

Me (2), Trees (0)
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Monday, November 2nd, 2009 03:35 pm
This week I delivered what I hope was a reasonably comprehensible version of the ‘You got told what you did was inappropriate/sexist/racist, and then you made it about your hurt feelings (and this is a problem)’ talk.

Thank you for giving me the insight to recognise this dynamic and the vocabulary to talk about it. Thank you for sharing ways to express it, and for positioning me to do so with equanimity.

It is worth pointing out again that when I say these things it is because I care enough to want to keep talking to you. You may feel temporarily hurt or unhappy, and I am sorry that personal growth is sometimes painful, but I am doing it because I want to keep talking to you in the future – I hope you do too.

Much Love, Me
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Sunday, October 25th, 2009 02:07 pm
[personal profile] transcendancing kindly mudpacked me on Friday while I was home sick. We did it sitting outside chatting and enjoying the warmth of the afternoon. It was very nice. I made the slurry with beetroot juice and added a couple of eggs to the mix as well. It's definitely not blue-black, more a warm, darker brown, I like the smell and it's gone a bit flatter and shinier.

Before and After photos )
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Sunday, October 18th, 2009 04:37 pm
My Sunday lunch - loafing and shopping in Freo with [personal profile] cupidsbow 

Today's booty

Hat, beet, mango, hackysac, book & henna 
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Saturday, September 5th, 2009 04:52 pm
Craving chocolate bounced me and [personal profile] maharetr out of the house and into the car and we were half way down the street when a duckling ran across the road hotly pursued by a magpie. We hauled off and collected it, there was some sad, sad flailing around by us when the poor thing waddled away in a complete panic. The driveway we parked in belonged to a man who gave us a cardboard box and suggested the Murdoch animal centre would have good advice.

We went for the chocolate anyway (supplies!) and saw some great custom plates in the carpark - Naked1 being my favourite. Are they nudists? Is this about spiritual/emotional exposure?

It turns out a very nice man at the local pet store was happy to take the duckling home - he says it can grow up safely with his birds then take off and do whatever wild ducks do. [personal profile] maharetr took a photo on her mobile of its irate little duck head poking out of my hand. They also have a rottweiler puppy, OMG so cute.

duckling clutched in my hands

samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Monday, August 24th, 2009 09:20 am
  • Bought an iPhone, much fun to be had, so far proving to be exactly what I wanted – not quite the implant of my dreams but slightly closer. 1G/month data plan looks like it will suffice
  • Pilates; instructor sadly informed us the class timetable is changing – exactly in time to allow me to continue to keep going once Uni starts \o/
  • Braces rewired; was a lot less painful than the first time, still feels weird, still waking up with a dry tongue because I can’t quite sleep with my mouth shut
  • Breakfast with Pop, well, yoghurt, he doesn’t stock a lot of food, talked about rendering (external walls) and about having the energy to engage with people who you can maybe teach something to and how to value that
  • Lunch with [personal profile] fred_mouse in which we trialled the sugar cane plantation then spat out a lot of delicious wood fibre and talked about anything and everything – how groups make decisions and how much of it is role based and whether how I feel about rockmelon counts as synesthesia
  • "Where are all the men bloggers?" made me laugh a lot
  • Better off Ted; finished on a high note, loved the last two episodes.
  • Leverage; 2x05 made me cringe a few times but 2x06 was fun
  • MBA orientation day; enjoyed it, feeling good about the course so far.
  • Chai in Subi with [personal profile] cupidsbow and grouchiegrrl, was great to catch up
  • AD&T meeting rounding off a very busy day (in which I may have flailed a bit – sorry again people!)
  • Sunday ended up being some serious sleeping and mooching around in which I refused to do anything but cuddle the woofer and read
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Monday, August 17th, 2009 10:10 am
  • Attended Dr Megan McArthur’s talk for Science Week about her trip into space to extend the life of the Hubble Space Telescope. I have a HUGE crush; her talk was accessible, inspiring and interesting and I want a spaceship of my own.
  • Saw The Chemist play at Amplifier and enjoyed their singer’s amazing voice.
  • Digitised the remainder of my CD collection
  • Watched Blood: The Last Vampire (Japanese vampire horror with very stylised violence) which was not great but did have the enjoyable quality of being a story about a girl, and her (female) adversary and another girl which was a pleasant change.
  • Installed three little shelves in my room (finished painting)
  • 3 hours of OTW meetings
  • Went to the Families for Freedom picnic and got cuddles and rained on followed up by an amazing mango & ginger lassie
samvara: Photo of a woman and text "that's what trust is" (BSG - Trust_sharon)
Wednesday, August 12th, 2009 09:30 pm
...oh god that sounds so wanky... but please, don't let my PC language cringe stop you supporting an important cause.

On Sunday, August 16th 2009, join families, friends and community members who support same-sex and gender diverse couples at our community picnic and support day, “Families for Freedom”. Wear something bright or rainbow coloured, and bring a rainbow umbrella if you can find one (you never know - it may rain on our parade!)

Date: Sunday, 16th Aug 09
Time: 11am - 2pm
Location: Cottesloe Beach Foreshore
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Monday, June 22nd, 2009 09:30 am
This last week was brilliant, I caught up with friends and family (including my gorgeous but rarely seen cousin) and got cuddles from all of them. This has been a great birthday – thank you to everyone for making it fun and making me feel loved.
  • emergency gardening with middle brother (no one fell out of any trees)
  • birthday party with friends and balloons and balloons and dessert (and balloons!)
  • breakfast with pop who is finally back from Sydney, he has cool stories to tell and love to pass on (and spare 500GB portal HDDs for me - yay! *guiltily backs up data*)
  • dinner with baby brother, mama and cousin (we are scarily in synch; me Mama and cousin all thought Cyclamens would make a good present this year - they do!)
  • bought new front tyres for Lambert (replaced now completely munted spare with the less crappy one)
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Saturday, May 30th, 2009 09:51 am
In order to prepare [livejournal.com profile] maharetr  for T4 (she is sadly lacking in background) we shall be catching up on Terminator movies on the Monday public holiday. We'll kick off about midday - all welcome.

The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day and Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines.

There will be hot soup and cold smoothies.

samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 10:07 pm
  • still recovering from dentist stuff, more to come
  • finished first sleeve, started knitting second one
  • took baby brother and his crutches clothes shopping - made him buy an iron too
  • baby bro pointed out a random bunny that likes visiting and mentioned they had kittens last week - what next? Fawns and bluebirds?
  • assisted house-moving efforts by carrying furniture and boxes
  • took blue inserts out from hair - getting far enough away from the roots to be annoying
Bunny )
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 10:30 am
Despite clearly stated goals of sleeping + resting the long weekend didn’t quite work out as planned.

  • Beach with woofer: chocolate croissant from Abhi’s bakery, men with cameras stalk woofer in the surf (yes he is that pretty)
  • Fremantle Markets: am reminded again why I hate crowds, fail to acquire tree-frog leadlight sticker or a copy of the Skinner's Box book.
  • Visit brothers: provide snack food, receive appreciation. Watch football, be saddened by team, I’m surprised WCE lost by only 18 points. Baby brother has broken his foot falling out of a tree and is in a half cast up to his knee, mother has apparently been fetching things for him all week, no-one told *me*. Am not allowed to illustrate cast, take photos instead :p
  • Do laundry: clean room, admire ceiling, vacuum ceiling, vacuum feather boa accidentally – can’t quite believe it just ate the whole thing, didn’t know you could do that.
  • All OTW monthly meeting: arrive 5 mins late (7:05 am Sunday), deliver AD&T report, and celebrate progress
  • Cut grass: kill mower, buy whipptersnippter, cut grass more, rake, get blister (have perfectly circular sore on my thumb, looks like someone stubbed a cigarette out on me), throw ball for woofer into flowering bush, woofer covered in little blue flowers – knew it had a purpose (flowering bush, not woofer).
  • Slashgropers: loan Pride and Prejudice and Zombies to… everyone? Pimp Better Off Ted (made of awesome, go watch it, really), see remade Sanctuary pilot (not awesome) and pilot for The Unusuals (which is looking pretty decent)
  • Download Adam Lambert performances from American Idol – yes I know :(
  • OTW – do unspecified *things* mostly involving the next code deploy, designs for Collections and Challenges and pondering an Admin interface re-design.
  • Coffee: spend an afternoon with [livejournal.com profile] girliejones for coffee – win!
  • Dinner: spend evening with [livejournal.com profile] flamebyrd and S.O. and [livejournal.com profile] maharetr starting with Indian food and followed by icecream. Meet [livejournal.com profile] pentapus, take [livejournal.com profile] pentapus home (bootleg American smuggling operation)
  • Made [livejournal.com profile] maharetr and [livejournal.com profile] pentapus watch Better Off Ted 1x01 & 1x02
  • Froze neck, stayed home, read and slept.
  • Didn’t have to *make* anyone watch Better Off Ted 1x03 & 1x04 *grins*
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Saturday, April 18th, 2009 01:12 pm
I have a snug little nest in J's giant, denim beanbag and his cat Mini-May is purring on my feet. I also have the flu, a vast amount of grapes, no obligations and have caught up on enough sleep to be functional. The internets and I have almost finished reconciling after our long separation and I have Supernatural Con tomorrow!

  • Does anyone have a Dreamwidth invite they could throw my way? *does anime eyes*
samvara: Photo of Modesty Blaise with text "All this and brains as well" (Default)
Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 07:33 pm
My mother delivered a bouquet of 'congratulations on running a convention!' flowers today along with a card from my brothers and father declaring their belief I am the bees' knees and and ant's pants. They patiently listened to me rabbit on about what I was up to, utterly failed to agree to come to Swancon and have demonstrated great powers of awesome.

Things I wanted for Swancon 2009:
  1. A strong Anime presence in the programme
  2. Support for parents (thank you so much to Kylie, Kate and everyone who contributed to making this a success)
  3. Gynaecon panels in the formal programme
  4. Media related panel items to partially compensate for killing the AV stream
  5. More involvement for gamers
  6. More opportunities for cosplayers
  7. Hosted lunches / breakfasts
  8. Workshops / interactive panels
  9. Women on panels (49%)
Did I get them? Yes.

*packs for Sydney*
samvara: OTW logo and text "We're gonna own the goddamn servers" (OTW - Servers)
Tuesday, March 24th, 2009 10:27 am
Ada Lovelace Day is an international day of blogging to draw attention to women excelling in technology.

OTW, Web 2.0 and excellence )