Who cares about the girl/boy thingie - what about the pets?

[samvara]

My trail went boingboing -> predictably irrational -> Autocomplete Me and the topic was Google's predictive powers based on frequent searches. The 'how can I get my girlfriend to...' prediction from top to bottom reads a lot like the summary of a bad romance novel - which implies men read them more than I think...

More importantly, the question people ask the most about their cat revealed below!



Also arranged by number of results... cat's don't seem to like us, or each other :(

how can I get my cat to like me	110,000,000
how can I get my dog to eat	43,400,000
how can I get my cats to get along	43,000,000
how can I get my dog to sleep	34,700,000
how can I get my dog drink more water	16,000,000
how can I get my cat to eat	3,020,000
how can I get my dog to lose weight	2,800,000
how can I get my cat to drink more water	2,690,000
how can I get my dog to stop chewing everything	2,010,000
how can I get my dog to lick me out	1,240,000
how can I get my cat lose weight	1,150,000
how can I get my dog to gain more weight	1,120,000
how can I get my cat to gain weight	1,050,000
how can I get my cat to stop meowing	977,000
how can I get my cat to use the litter box	943,000
how can I get my dog to stop barking	645,000
how can I get my cat to stop biting	311,000
how can I get my dog to stop peeing in the house	169,000
how can I get my dog to stop eating poop	145,000
how can I get my cat stop peeing on things	64,000

Comments

[erda]

That's hilarious, but I can't stop the rage at "is my son...is my daughter" OMFG!!!!

[samvara]

meep

I console myself people ask because they care.

And really, how on earth is the internet going to know if your daughter is a virgin?

[samvara]

oh dear, I just tried 'is my dad...' the top two results are:

• is my dad my real dad
• is my dad looking for me

*hugs internet*

[erda]

That's ...pitiful. Also "is my mom" seems mostly to fall into the mean mean mom category. ::sigh::

[samvara]

try 'i used a...' I have to say this one made me laugh

[erda]

Ahahahahaha! But also, wtf, there are better ways to answer that than google.

[ironed_orchid]

1. You get your cat to like you by going to the cat rescue shelter and meeting the cats several times and taking home the one that likes you.

2. You cannot get your dog to stop eating poop. It's unpossible. That said, some dogs are more likely to do so than others.

[samvara]

1. This sounds to me like a highly successful strategy.

[sara]

I think I'm most distressed by how can I get my dog to lick me out.

NO. DON'T DO THAT TO YOUR POOR DOG, INTERNETS.

[erda]

You have no idea how much energy I was expending to pretend I didn't see that one.

[samvara]

I think that's better for all of us!

[samvara]

DON'T LOOK. BRAIN BLEACH.

[sara]

Actually, after I thought about it a bit I remembered how the dog licked the baby recently (it combined two of the above-described things about dogs), but it's probably a violation of your fine nation's internet obscenity laws for me to describe that in any more detail than I just have.

[samvara]

*grins*

It's not the act that bothers me :p I am more concerned about the state of mind of someone who wants to have relations with a being where informed consent doesn't seem to be possible.

[sara]

Oh, the baby was definitely not consenting. *sporfle*


(Yeah, I have long been very down on anything like messing around with animals, for the same reason.)

[samvara]

I feel for the baby!

[sara]

His relationship with the dog really hasn't been the same since. *cough*

[samvara]

*giggles*

I think you might have to put that in the 'character building' column.

[sara]

...oh, God, Google tells me that "cats are...ductile and malleable."

NO, NOT IN THIS UNIVERSE.

Yeah, if there's one thing we've got no shortage of around here, it's opportunities to build character.

[samvara]

Cartoon cats are! Which is, yes, another universe.

One wonders what exactly one does with all that character. My brothers cast my career as an RPG and refer to getting promoted as 'levelling', when you build enough character do you get to train a new skill?

[sara]

Heh, I once read someone who was making cracks about "leveling up in lesbianism," but I think she was building a bookcase or something, not, er, engaging in explicit acts.

Hee..."I should e --" produces "I should eat a pony," and "I should end my life." How about...no.

[samvara]

*snaps fingers* oh that's what made me bi, I've been building bookshelves all my life!

'why can't...' gives 'why can't I own a Canadian'

[sara]

It's the sawdust, I think.

*snerk* Because Canadians are expensive. Obviously.

"I had a s--" gets "I had a shoggoth."

[samvara]

...that explains so much about lumberjacks!

hee, and hard to tame!

gah, google images had to explain that one to me, I'm glad they only had one.

[enigel]

I also note that in the "is my [pet]..." category, the most asked questions are pretty similar, with the exception of... "is my cat trying to kill me". Dogs do not have an equivalent question. Pah, wimpy cat slaves, of course your cats aren't trying to kill you, since you're the food source. You *have* fed them, haven't you?

ETA: Also, why isn't it showing me the number of results? Apparently this is an "improvement". Pah.

[samvara]

*giggles*

My woofer and I are involved in a 'retraining' exercise where I close my door successfully and he doesn't let himself in when he feels like it. I AM THE LEADER OF THIS PACK.

[baby-elvis.livejournal.com]

I'm a bit worried about 'how can I get my dog to lick me out'?

[black-samvara.livejournal.com]

I am trying not to think about it :(

[stephbg.livejournal.com]

I love this site :-)

[black-samvara.livejournal.com]

ah humans, so weird, so lovable.

[rdmasters.livejournal.com]

You are a bad, bad, bad person showing me that site.

My evening has been devoured, and Leece is just about to kill me for incessant giggling. I suspect my workmates will take care of whatever is left.

(San loss for seeing the site - 1d10/2d12)


Bitten by a turtle? No orange juice for you!

[black-samvara.livejournal.com]

\o/