Daffodil Day

Support cancer research, I have grown a daffodil, although this involved very little effort on my part ;)

Dear Diary, triggers and distress and being OK

One of my workmates accidentally triggered me today. She frightened me from behind while I was sitting, to fix my hiccups. I don't remember much of our exchange, I was overwhelmed with fear and emotion. I do remember saying 'Never do that again' and 'I'm not angry with you, I'm just upset' but mostly I sort of shivered and cried.

We talked after, she was in tears when she realised how strongly it had affected me, and I tried to make sure she knew I understood she had meant no harm. I think overall it was a positive experience. We communicated, she apologised a lot and swore she'd never do that to another person ever and I'm gradually coming down and feeling less fraught. I'm pretty sure the people nearby also quietly swore never to jump a co-worker :p

I value that in a situation like this I feel absolutely OK to say 'Never do that again.' I also value feeling like I'll be heard and my preferences respected. I felt like I could be distressed and even while distressed I felt OK about that too - if that makes any sense.

I am going to call that progress :)

It does leave me thinking about this thing that I think of as 'OK-ness' and how much of my experience is mediated through that. When I'm OK, I can deal with anything, even really distressing things and even my own distress.