Calculus of Sanctity

Further to a conversation at Kings Park on Saturday to do with notions of holiness and masochism I propose the following:

s = [T(f + p)(b + a) + 2n]*[1/(g*Sx)]

Where

s = distance from god (meters)
T = days since last washed
f = times scourged (lashes)
b = occasions speaking in tongues
n = number of hair shirts owned
Sx = norty thoughts per day
p = layers of concealing undergarments
a = animals spoken to (conversations of more than 1 minute)
g = level of guilt regarding norty thoughts (flinches)