Leadership Effectiveness #5 Emotional Intelligence

[samvara]

Readings:

Building the emotional intelligence of groups by Druskat, Vanessa Urch; Wolff, Steven B. Talks about how having emotional intelligence is not the same as having emotional intelligence as a team. There's a great quote that sums it up below and it had a table that was good too.

Group emotional intelligence is about the small acts that make a big difference. It is not about a team member working all night to meet a deadline; it is about saying thank you for doing so. It is not about in-depth discussion of ideas; it is about asking a quiet member for his thoughts. It is not about harmony, lack of tension, and all members liking each other; it is about acknowledging when harmony is false, tension is unexpressed, and treating others with respect. (my emphasis)

Points for being clearly written - I like Harvard Business Review articles - but same tendency to default to 'he.' Ironic when I think that emotional intelligence has often been thought of as a feminine virtue.

Emotional pains in Organisations by Frost, Peter J. (In Toxic emotions at work, how compassionate managers handle pain and conflict). Skimmed, having trouble engaging with this.

Primal leadership by Goleman, Daniel; Boyatzis, Richard ; McKee, Annie. Talks about how the mood of a leader affects the people around them and thus the organisation - who knew! Proposes a five part process to develop emotional intelligence in this area.

1. imagine your ideal self
2. come to terms with your realself
3. create a tactical plan
4. practice
5. create a supportive community

Clear and readable with fun sidebars but loses points for defaulting to 'he' when discussing leaders.

Pull the plug on stress by Cryer, Bruce; McCraty, Rollin; Childre, Doc. Discussion about the damaging consequences of stress and a process for alleviating. Talks about Stress as a habit that can be broken.

• Reconize and disengage
• Breathe
• Invoke a positive feeling
• Ask yourself "Is there a better alternative?"
• Note the change in perspective

Only eight pages long, easy to read and sensible.

Seminar:

Discussion of next assignment (time-line of significant events in life with happiness-meter), discussion of progress of 360 feedback process (6/13) responses received for me which is enough to run a report \o/

Review of previous week: Self-care - easier to lead when not crazy; Reflection - my own style of leadership and extent of reflection varies depending on context; Dreams - works for some, less of a useful tool for others; Shadow - useful, golden shadow (idolising people ).

Emotional Intelligence: Definition; academic and applied approaches. Reflection on assholes we have known, do I have these qualities too?

Emotional competencies quadrant

• Self Awareness
• Social Awareness
• Self-Management
• Relationship Management

Four emotional intelligence abilities

• Ability to perceive, appraise and express emotion accurately and adaptively
• The ability to understand emotions and emotional knowledge
• The ability to access and/or generate feelings to facilitate thought
• The ability to regulate emotions to assist promote growth

Checklist of feelings - tick off what you've felt recently. Can you see feelings you cant identify? What do you think is the difference between Afraid, Scared and Frightened?

Myths about emotions

• Emotion is inferior because it's more primitive than reason
• Emotion is dangerous
• Self control comes from stifling feelings
• There are good emotions and bad emotions

Improving your abilities

• Emotion or mood journals
• Take regular 'check in' moments
• Learn about your own emotional experiences
• Develop the skill of asking if you don't feel you are picking up others emotions

Break!

Exercise: knees together with a partner, 60 seconds of giving the other person your attention while being aware of what you are feeling. I heard a lot of people giggling and tried to balance making eye contact with radiating kindness and dropping eye contact when I felt there was discomfort in the other person. Interesting!

Moral of the story: we need to learn to be aware during potentially challenging situations, not just when we're feeling fine.

What does it mean to understand emotions?
Emotions are not a flaw in the human design.

Exercise: Understanding and using emotions intelligently

• Anger: good for energising and focussing. Bad for destruction and effective behaviour
• Happiness: creative and energising. Bad for overconfidence, resistance to change?
• Fear: manage risks, create urgency and catalyse action. Bad for narrow focus, overprotective, freeze reaction
• Surprise: good for breakage out of a rut / introducing new ideas. STUN!
• Sadness: good for processing upsetting changes. Bad for energy, inward focussing

Are there any 'bad' emotions? Could it be that all emotions 'are' and what we do with them is the potential for good and bad. Want does it mean to 'use' emotions?

Can you shift your focus to meet the needs of the situation?

• Have to vacuum? Play loud music?
• Have to write a paper? Sneak in via a little task?

Heart rate variability and breathing are cyclical body experiences - bodies get used to doing the same rhino. If that's BEING STRESSED then it becomes habitual. Calm people live longer ;p

Freeze Frame technique: see reading 4.

What is your happy place? Can trick brain by thinking happy thoughts - can fake up that memory - add mood lighting and good hair?

Exercise: imagine frustrating situation (apparently 'frustration' is the acceptable, corporate way of expressing anger), contemplate plan, contemplate happy place with 60 seconds, contemplate plan - are there any shifts in view? Mine didn't shift, on the other hands I've been contemplating my plan for quite some time.

We talked some more and then ran away.